Download Radio Free Hipster Ep. 13: The Best Chrismukkah Pageant Ever

Chrismukkah means different things to different people. For more traditional Jewish families turned off by what can be viewed as an over-commercialization of the season, it’s a knock at a modern Hanukkah that ignores the true roots of the celebration. To families with both Jewish and Christian backgrounds it’s a happy medium between two major, competing holidays. And for me and my decidedly secular group of friends (with our myriad of cultural backgrounds) it’s merely a reason to get drunk on eggnog and eat chocolate coins for as many nights as humanly possible.

This final episode of 2006 comes to you as a cockeyed look at the holidays, as well as a celebration of people who are more concerned with enjoying some time off from work and the company of the ones we love than in taking some stand concerning what to call the titular holiday season. In truth, I don’t care what you celebrate, or even if you celebrate; I just want you to have a nice time.

I would’ve loved to have integrated some Kwanzaa songs into this podcast as well, but even those I know who celebrate Kwanzaa couldn’t direct me to any nerdy/funny songs about the festival. And winter solstice? Are there any solstice songs at all? If so, please feel free to enlighten me.

Call me politically correct if you like. Call me apathetic; it don’t bother me. Feel free to tell me “Happy Hanukkah” or “Happy Kwanzaa” or “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas.” Hell, feel free to substitute the Greek “X” and call it X-mas. It’s cool with me. Getting offended about such things is highly overrated in my opinion.

In what is, in each of these opposing cultural realms, considered to be the time of year when we reach out to our fellow man in the spirit of giving, it appears as though we’ve gotten a little too concerned with making sure our team is represented in the proceedings or (even worse) that other teams aren’t. That’s kinda shitty, doncha you think?

In summation: if you expect this podcast to carefully respect the precepts of ancient religious celebrations or to examine their complex and often opposing relationships, prepare to be disappointed. If, however, you’d like to hear some funny, funky songs about the holidays, the download link is below.

Download Radio Free Hipster Ep. 13: The Best Chrismukkah Pageant Ever Size: 40.1 MB Running Time: 43.51

Show Notes

Intro: AM Radio Medley / mash-ups.co.uk - “Rudolph Loves to Boogie”

I’ve been sitting on this track for ages, just waiting to play it. This seemed like as good an opportunity as ever!

Z’s 1^st interlude: “Sad and self-referential”

What can I say? I am just cheesy enough to reference my own material.

Track 1: Clark Griswold rant / Spinal Tap - “Christmas with the Devil”

Radio Free Hipster needs more Spinal Tap. Do I smell a New Year’s resolution?

Track 2: Eric Cartman - “Oh Holy Night”

“Jesus was born and so I get presents.”

Track 3: Go Home Productions - “Carpenters Christmas”

From the very excellent Santastic II: Clausome compilation.

Track 4: Another Clark Griswold rant / dj BC - “Hanukkah Song (Goyimix)” / Smooth E - “Hanukkah Hey Ya!”

I put a moratorium on “The Hanukkah Song” a number of years ago, but this version was too good to pass up.

Track 5: DJ John – “The Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown”

Check out John's non-holiday mash-ups for more good shit. But beware; he does nasty things to Daft Punk.

Track 6: Former Fat Boys – “Where Are You Christmas”

Check out the video for FFB’s other holiday single “I Want It (Gimme Gimme)((Toys)).”

Z’s 2^nd interlude: “Dreidl-Bells”

Both Santastic: Holiday Boots for Your Stocking and Santastic II: Clausome are filled with bootleg-y goodness.

Track 7: Meter vs. Yard - “How George Bush Stole Christmas”

High-C heard my complaint about the lack of holiday-themed nerdcore and hit me up with this. You really need to hear the whole thing to get the full effect.

Track 8: The Kinks – “Father Christmas” / OK Go – “Father Christmas”

The Kinks aren’t really nerdy, so their inclusion was a gift to myself. OK Go, on the other hand, seem to have some legitimate nerd chops.

Track 9: Voicedude – “Santa Benz”

My mother pointed out that a sped-up Janis Joplin sounds a lot like Rod Stewart. Creepy, eh?

Track 10: Sarah Silverman - “Give the Jew Girl Toys”

This song has much less punch when I sing it. I don’t know why.

Track 11: Bob & Doug McKenzie - “12 Days of Christmas”

I only included the intro to this track due both to time constraints and an overwhelming urge not to lose my two Canadian listeners.

Track 12: Divide and Kreate - “Jingle Jane”

I think the reason I felt comfortable making subtle nods to previous episodes is that I find it hard to believe that some people have actually listened to all my previous podcasts.

Z’s final interlude: “Good will toward men”
I also have trouble believing I’m still milking that “nerd news and interviews and …” thing.

Track 13: The Pogues – “Fairytale of New York”
Shane MacGowan is truly one of the ugliest creatures I have ever seen. Thankfully, this doesn’t preclude him from being one of the most brilliantly lyrical beasts the rock ‘n’ roll world has ever birthed.

And there you have it, folks. Consider it a little card from your old pal Z. in the form of an uneven musical montage. I hope it finds you safe and in the best of spirits. Feel free to pump these jams at your next seasonal shindig, and let me know the jewels I managed to miss. Happy Holidays!

For the nerd who has everything

I have just been alerted that mc chris has reduced the price of much of his merchandise for the holiday season.

From the mouth o’ the horse:

"holy crap did i cut prices! before i hand over my merch to new folks i'm gonna pass the buck to YOU! the consumer! because i can. muahahah! SO CHECK OUT THESE BANGING NEW PRICES!!!

TSHIRTS ARE HOLY CRAP!!! FIVE DOLLARS!!! (scandal!)

HOODIES ARE WHAT THE CRUD!!! FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!! (that's impossible)

BAGS YEAH MAHFAH WE GOT BAGS!!! ARE THREE FRIGGIN CLAMS!!! (unheard of)

STICKERS ARE ONLY A BUCK!!! NOW THAT'S SOME CRAZY SHIT RIGHT THERE!!! (no one does that)

the proceeds from this sale will go towards heat and marvel ultimate alliance. peace. mc

GO TO MCCHRIS.COM TO PIMP YOUR BODY RIDE.

STORE: http://www.indiemerchstore.com/mcchris"

Why not pick up something for your friends, enemies, acquaintances, and that chick at the record store you’re always eying.

But what if they don’t like mc chris?

Fuck it; give it to ‘em anyway. mc swag is a whole lot better then the shit I got when I was a kid.

An honor just to be nominated

By now I’ve no doubt you’ve heard that I am the TIME Magazine Person of the Year.

Okay, not just me… all of us really. I mean, TIME, that bastion of the old school ink and paper aesthetic, has elected to acknowledge the ground-breaking work that’s being done by those of us on the ground floor. Rather than confer this auspicious title upon some ultimately corrupt and self-serving political figure or some mindless corporate Svengali, TIME has instead bestowed the honor upon all who generate user content on this, the cusp of the digital age.

You can call it Web 2.0 or you can call it the computer/cultural revolution, but at the end of the day it’s just a bunch of people doing what they’ve always done. True, I may not’ve always written about nerd music and culture in a public forum such as this, but I’ve always written and it’s always been nerdy. Whether a song about the Super Friends or the back-story for a D&D campaign, I’ve been a nerd writer since I became a nerd who could write. I imagine the same goes for the rest of you. All you other bloggers and podcasters, all you YouTubers and MySpacers, all y’all who rhyme about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, bend circuits, or bust chiptunes: just like me, you’re just being yourself and doing your thing.

So does that mean that a major media outlet is acknowledging the hard (and generally thankless) work that we content monkeys crank out due to our own insatiable need to produce and our nigh-limitless free time? Probably not. More than likely it’s just a ploy to sell magazines, because that’s what TIME magazines does. It’s what they’ve always done.

So we’re back to square one; God is in his heaven and all is right with the world. We’re all doing what we’ve always done, and that, for me, is enough. Sure the world on its ear as pandemonium beats down the door, but that too is a constant. Same as it ever was.

There’s simply something within the human condition that causes people to create, whether it be for the global audience or simply for their own satisfaction. The WWW changes the rules, certainly, but the game is still the same. We can only hope that the Web itself will finally help to level the playing field and assure that those who are the most creative, the most noble, the most diligent, the most deserving, will finally get the gold rather than simply those who are the most connected.

Could such a thing really happen?

Hey, strange and wonderful things happen all the time.

For example, you are currently reading the words of a tiny man in a remote location via a technological marvel that our grandparents could scarcely have imagined.

The world’s funny that way.

At the end of the day, what TIME has said is at once both no big deal and an amazing revelation. Hopefully it reflects a shift in modern thinking that makes it more congruent with our modern age. Possibly it marks a turning point where we as a people can wrest power from the conglomerations that control what we see and hear and think and put that power in the hands of those with a more altruistic slant, those with a more in-depth understanding of the ramifications of this exceedingly technical world.

Of course I’m talking about the nerds.

But let's talk baby steps; with any luck, this time next year people like MC Frontalot and Dan Lamoureux will reap the rewards of a world where the D.I.Y. ethic has finally gained some clout.

Sure, it’s a pipe dream, but it’s my dream and you can share it if you like.

If, however, the new year brings with it the same foibles as the old year, I don’t reckon we’ll be too surprised.

And I suppose we’ll keep doing what we’re doing.

After all, it’s what we’ve always done.

In a box

I know it's still almost a week until Christmas and Hanukkah is just barely underway, but I got you guys something. I’m gonna go ahead and give it to you ‘cause we’re cool like that. I hope you like it. I wrapped it myself:

The final frontier

I checked my mail this morning – which is, consequently, the right thing to do – to find two separate Trek-related tidbits.

The first concerns a nerdcore track about Trekkie pride, but, as I was only afforded a preview of the forthcoming goodness, I will stop short of sharing the details. Suffice it to say that this track is as fine as (blood) wine.

The second is another piece of YouTubey goodness by friend of Hipster, please! and all-around alpha nerd ChurchHatesTucker: a tribute of sorts to the continuing Star Trek fan project known as Starship Exeter. Check out Church’s veritable love letter to Mego, the crew of the USS Exeter, and the Trek universe itself. And if you think the voiceover sounds a bit familiar, you earn +1 to your observation skill.

And another thing...

Two more items of note before I begin my weekend:

As reported by the fellows at NerdcoreHipHop.org, a recent edition of the Associated Press podcast is devoted to nerdcore. Cool, eh?

Likewise, Slashdot has a piece up about the Nerdcore For Life and Nerdcore Rising documentaries. It paints them like schoolyard rivals, which is patently untrue and extraordinarily silly, but I reckon that’s just the angle they chose to go for.

You can’t escape the nerdcore!

Nerdcore rears its knobby head yet again: this time in community weblog MetaFilter. User dmd drops some knowledge concerning CS Gangsta Monzy and nerd love follows. (Thanks to my brovah Brüx for hipping me to the link!)

Speaking of nerd love, Dan (the soon-to-be famous director of Nerdcore For Life) has posted some more raw performance footage of your favorite nerdcore MCs doing their collective thang on YouTube. Watch it!

Nerd life the career

You love YTCracker and I love YTCracker and now it appears as though G4 loves YTCracker! In what can only be called the smartest move made by the network in… well… an incredibly long time, G4 gave props to the ODG himself on a recent edition of Attack of the Show. What’s more, the blog dedicated to The Feed, the segment for which YTC made a new theme song, posted the track in its entirety along with lyrics, some more nerd love, and the promise of a forthcoming Webcam interview.

STC is the greatest!

More Nerd News in Brief

Here’s some nerd news you may have missed.

Now-now, don’t feel bad for missing it. You were busy with finals and Christmas shopping and your Laser Tag league. And anyway, that’s what I’m here for: to help you keep on top of shit like that.

Who’s your buddy?

• Nerdcore is huge in Germany acknowledged by the German press! The European gaming magazine GEE recently did a little piece concerning the “most important nerdcore acts.” Fellow member of the Faithful Seven harrybenson was nice enough to scan the following image of a very sickly looking Frontalot and the accompanying write-ups of 5 nerdcore (or nerdcore-related) artists. Ich bin ein nerdcorer.
• Did you enjoy the recent Beefy/Goondocks/Optimus Rhyme show at Seattle's Fuel? Would you like to see more nerdy goodness at that venue? Regional mc Tanuki was recently hipped to the fact that Fuel is considering scheduling regular (read: monthly) nerdcore shows. More info on this one as it becomes available.
• Some songs are inherently violent. In fact, some of them actually fight amongst themselves. Two such tracks include MC Frontalot’s “Livin' at the Corner of Dude and Catastrophe” and Emergency Pizza Party’s “Glutton,” both recent Song Fight! winners. All hail the conquering heroes.
• And speaking of violence, rather than simply attack the violence of video games, some conservative Christians recently decided to make their own. Based off of the eschatological lit of LaHaye and Jenkins, Left Behind: Eternal Forces puts you in command of God’s own shock troops, killing and converting as you see fit. Ned Flanders would be so proud!
• In other Godly gaming news, Manifesto Games has recently released The Shiva, a murder-mystery game centered around protagonist Rabbi Stone. Of course, Wal-Mart won’t be selling that one!
• And lastly, I would like to publicly mourn the loss of beloved American character actor Peter Boyle. While Boyle himself may not’ve been geeky, Young Frankenstein is doubtlessly dripping with nerd appeal. We miss you, big guy.
  

Three things that should excite you

It’s Monday. That is, as my people* say, le blah. Ere go, I have elected to bring you the following three items guaranteed to make it all better.

Okay, so maybe not all better, but I’m sure it’ll help.

1. Beefy’s new album Tube Technology is now available for download. I’ve already shared my thoughts, and now you can listen for yourself and determine whether or not I’m completely full of shit! Doesn’t that sound lovely?
2. The recently released trailer for Nerdcore For Life (the most important documentary since… since that other one… y’know… the… the important one… about whales and… bombs and stuff) has been boing-boinged. Hopefully this will drive some much needed support toward the pet pr0ject of Dan and company.
3. And lastly, I feel obligated to tell you this because we’re friends: you’ve really outdone yourself this Christmas. I can see (all surreptitious-like through your PC monitor) into your apartment, and I notice you’ve got a lot of nice shit underneath your tree. So, as your pal, I feel it’s only fair that you pick up a little something for yourself. You don’t have a lot of cash, you say? Well, then why not pick up a copy of Final Fantasy III for the Nintendo DS for a scant twenty bones? This deal is only good tomorrow (Tuesday, December 12th), but all you need to do to take advantage of it is sign up for the Toys ‘R’ Us mailing list. The printable coupon will be emailed to you tomorrow AM and then you can take advantage of this ridiculous deal. Leave it to the CAG community to find all the wicked-fresh game deals!

You feel better now, right? I thought so.


*The phrase “my people” refers exclusively to white-trash Franco-Americans with little to no understanding of the heritage and language of their ancestors.

Nerdcore For Life trailer

The Nerdcore For Life trailer has finally hit the Web. I’d love to tell you all about, but the piece speaks for itself. So, I’m’a let it talk.

Nerd News in Brief

When you want your nerd news expediently delivered in easily digestible chunks, you need Nerd News in Brief. Am I right? Of course I’m right!

I’m like a momma bird, chewing up the nerd news and then vomiting it into your tiny, eager beaks. Only less gross.

• Fans of Beefy’s Just Another Lazy Podcast should be aware that JALP now has a Web site of its very own. Makes you feel all tingly, doesn’t it?
  
• Nerdcore artist I||GI|| will be playing a gig with Nintendo punk superstars 14 Year Old Girls in LA next Monday (December 11^th) at il corral. West Coast nerds are instructed to head over there and get their geek on. Extra credit to anyone who can convince the ‘Girls to do an interview with Hipster, please!
• Canadian MC Wordburglar has been nominated for a Bucky Award for Best Song Lyric (presented by CBC Radio 3), and it’s up to you to vote a brother in! Canada’s got democracy to spare. (Also be sure to vote for the excellent, but decidedly un-nerdy, Tegan & Sarah in the categories of Best Haircut and Band That Most Resembles Itself.)
• In other hoser-related news, nerdcore rhymestriss, Baddd Spellah co-conspirator, and Ultraklystron’s numbah-one homie Nursehella was recently featured on a nerd music-centered radio broadcast. A leakage of her recent collab with Mr. Olson also occurred.
• And lastly: people are stupid. I just don’t know how else to say it. Why else would there be widespread reports of people breaking shit with their Wii-motes? Sure, I’m certain that a percentage of the damage occurs because of faulty wrist straps, but I’m more than willing to bet that the bulk of them are due to over exuberance at best and just plain ol’ dumb-assitude at worst. This, I imagine, is the reason that Nintendo sent me the following friendly reminder concerning proper operation of my controller… As if the nag screen before every game and the extensive documentation provided with the console wasn’t enough. I weep for the world.

Radio Free Hipster Ep. 12: In Before the Buzzer

I am riddled with guilt. In any given month, I create two separate podcasts: each usually of 45 minutes in length, give or take. When you consider that sometimes as much as 15 minutes of each of those segments is taken up by me talking shit, this leaves me merely a single scant hour in which to pack an entire month’s worth of kick-ass tunage. This is compounding by the fact that OCD dictates that the bulk of these episodes be devoted to some manner of “theme.” All-in-all, this puts me in quite a pickle. There are many songs that I adore, many tracks I that feel that you genuinely need to hear, but some – no matter their level of individual merit – fall through the cracks. As a result, certain songs and artists are woefully underrepresented.

This episode is dedicated to the tracks that I truly feel you should check out before the year is through. Some of them you may’ve heard before, but good things bear repeating. Others may be totally new to you. Either way, I hope you hear some geeky goodness that you exuberantly agree is worthwhile.

Download Radio Free Hipster Ep. 12: In Before the Buzzer Size: 38.7 MB Running Time: 42.20

Show Notes

Intro: MC Hawking – “Big-Bizang”
Only the Hawkman could make a Kid Rock take-off work. Bow before his majesty.

Z’s 1^st interlude: “Less than legal channels”
As a man who routinely plays illicit remixes on his podcast, this revelation may or may not surprise you.

Track 1: The Worthless Peons – “Underdog”
AKA Ted’s Band. AKA The Blanks. You can see this clip (and a bit where they perform the Speed Racer theme) here.

Track 2: Beefy – “Ego Monster”
I don’t think this can be considered a leak, as this song’s been featured on JALP as well as on Beef’s MySpace. Still, I figured it’d be easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.

Track 3: Tenacious D – “Break-in City (Storm the Gate)”
With lyrics like “The mission is clear / I'm going over there / I'm going to do the mission,” is it any wonder that Jack Black is the voice of our generation?

Track 4: 14 Year Old Girls – “Dynamite Car Plane”
I can only assume this track is about the freeware game of the same name.

Track 5: Totally Radd! – “Shark Attack Day Camp”
This is another band that I am almost ashamed to admit I only recently heard about. You can find more info and clips at their label’s Web site.

Track 6: Party Ben – “Genius of London”
The beauty of the mash-up lies in its ability to polish a turd, making the un-listenable fun and catchy.

Z’s 2^nd interlude: “Proven to cause cancer in laboratory animals.”
In a just world, Salman Rushdie would write unmolested and the Black Eyed Peas would have to flee to the underground for fear of their lives. Hey, can a southern white guy call for a fatwa? No? Damn…

Track 7: Oddioblender – “Pip to the Pop Don’t Stop”
Odd was nice enough to send me a copy of Gustuf Young is Dead. Expect to hear more from that album on future podcasts, for it is made of win.

Track 8: Castlevania 20^th Anniversary Collection – “A Requiem”
I’m really happy with my Portrait of Ruin pre-order bonus, but some folks are fuckin’ nuts.

Track 9: The Advantage – “Castlevania-Stage 3”
The Advantage’s self-titled first album is excellent. You should buy it.

Track 10: Go Home Productions – “Uptight Maggie”
I like Rod Stewart tracks a lot more when Stevie sings over the melodies.

Track 11: My Parents Favorite Music – “Coffee”
My defense for not hearing MPFM sooner? I don’t have a MySpace. Seriously. I don’t believe in it. I disavow the existence of MySpace.

Track 12: Homer intro / Cheap Trick – “Surrender”
There is an all-female Cheap Trick cover band. See? Everyone likes Cheap Trick but you. I admonish you. I admonish the hell out of you!

Z’s final interlude: “A gift, of sorts.”
I gotta give it up to funky49 again for sending me the following track. Y’all feel free to turn me on to stuff you think I need to hear.

Track 13: Next Fashion – “In Space”
This is such a fun track. It simply begged to be included!

Background Music: DJ Snyder – “Contraptions”
I’m fairly certain this song has something to do with the Reptilian Conspiracy. (Apologies to everyone save Snyder concerning the preceding in-joke).

So that takes care of some of the songs I wanted to play for you before 2006 is no more. Still, there were countless others that still got passed over due to time constraints. The lack of Jesse Dangerously and Spamtec Crew in this year’s crop of heavily rotated artists fills me with regret. Well shit; there’s always next year.

I hope you enjoyed yourselves, and look for the RFH Holiday Special in two weeks or so.

Post-gig wrap-up from NcN

Check out the clip below to see a worn-out Gabe and drunken a Syn (both of Nerdcore News fame) give you the skinny on last weekend’s Beefy/Goondocks /Optimus Rhyme show in Seattle. It’s got everything a nerdboy/girl could possibly want: your favorite nerdcore MCs doing their collective thang, silly dancing, talk of vomiting… It’s all in there, folks.

You may notice some clipping in the audio during the performance segments. That’s not because of the volume; it’s what happens to contemporary electronics when they are exposed to such a high level of pure fuggin’ awesome.

Consider yourself warned.

We do it for respect because no one will give us money

I am a man of moral fiber and principle. Of course, said morality is admittedly loose; I would actually go so far as to call it malleable. There is, however, one thing on which I have remained steadfastly firm: I do not write album reviews.

I get asked questions concerning my stance on reviews (and my opposition to writing them) fairly often, and I always respond with subtle variations of what has become the party line:

My opinion is of no particular import.

There are a lot of things that influence whether or not one enjoys a particular song or album, and the vast majority of these are purely subjective. Just because I may know a bit more about an artist than some, just because I’ve maybe discussed his music or even briefly interviewed him doesn’t make my thoughts on his offerings any more valid than those of anyone else. In the end, it all comes down to a matter of personal taste.

Still, I am not above sharing my impressions, my own simple, personal impressions. That is, essentially, the cornerstone of Hipster, please!: a nerd’s-eye view of the music and culture of the geek people.

So, when Beefy, an artist whom I enjoy and a person who has treated me like a friend from our very first exchange, asked if I wanted a sneak-peak of his new album, I jumped at the chance. Though anyone who listens to Just Another Lazy Podcast has already heard the bulk of Tube Technology, Beefy has been adamant about keeping several of the tracks under the tightest of wraps, and getting to hear those jewels a few days early was too sweet a deal to pass up.

Here is my breakdown of the album's contents, both the songs you know and the ones you don’t. They’re simply my opinions, and I hope you take them as such.

1. “1-800-NERDCORE”: Beefy starts off with a track that doesn’t so much defend his thoughts concerning the sanctity of nerdcore as remind us of his established position on the subject. Thematically, the song toys with annoyance without actually shifting into fully active aggression, and the rhymes remain tight even when Beefy’s flow speeds up past the expected level. Baddd Spellah’s production gives the track a definite sheen, with that dynamically layered Spellah style shining through. It’s an excellent introduction that slyly reminds listeners that this album promises to be vastly different than Beefy’s previous works.

2. “Tub of Tabasco”: Though there appear to be subtle differences between the two, this track is still as tight and good-natured as it was when it premiered on Rhyme Torrents Vol. I. It makes an excellent counterpoint to “1-800-NERDCORE.” This also marks Drown Radio’s first appearance on Tube Technology.

3. “GP”: “GP” (with its Scrubs dialogue intro and MC Router guest verse) was recently leaked on JALP. It lampoons the bling-obsessed shtick of mainstream hip hop culture by giving a nerdcore make-over to its rampantly conspicuous consumption. Beefy receives a +1 bonus for rhyming “bloggin’” with “noggin.”

4. “Outside Paradise”: This Beefy/DJ Snyder track ably won its recent Song Fight! The flows (both lyrical and musical) are vicious and the lyrics self-effacingly brilliant. That’s inconsequential, however, owing to the fact that Beefy is a goddamn friend-flooder.

5. “Feel So Good”: “Feel So Good” begins with a voicemail from an anonymous, horny stranger (who sounds a bit like Fanatical), and it’s bold Doc Pop (under the continued guise of Drown Radio) provided beat serves as an excellent transition between the aforementioned “Outside Paradise” and the two tracks to follow. While not the most lyrically complex track in Beef’s repertoire, this has all the earmarks of an excellent party song.

6. “Webcomic Junkie”: While the chorus accompaniment for this track is startling at first, this song definitely breaks from the mellower groove of earlier offerings. There’s a conspicuous lack of love given to John Allison’s Scary Go Round, but other than that it capably (and amusingly) covers all the Webcomic bases.

7. “Chun-Li”: I know very little about Skoch Tape or Street Fighter, save that both are adored by the bulk of 2^nd gen nerdcore and tiny Asian women alike. The production for this song continues to shatter my pre-conceived notions about what a Beefy track should sound like. Another +1 bonus is earned for the inclusion of “in ur base killing ur doods.”

8. “Nerdcore for Life”: Nerdcore News' Gabriel makes a surprise appearance in the opener of this Snyder joint (which just so happens to be the title track from the forthcoming nerdcore documentary). In my opinion, this song is only a couple of guest verses away from being the ultimate spiritual successor to MC Frontalot’s magnum opus “Nerdcore Rising.” My only caveat concerns the life/life couplet that rounds the chorus, but the rest of the song is so strong that I can easily dismiss that very minor complaint.

9. “Bit Pop”: Beefy and Shael Riley have a long history, as do Beefy and cover songs. Therefore this track is should come as no surprise. While I wouldn’t rate this as highly as the original, it is good to hear Beefy get his sing on à la “Creative Process.”

10. “Ego Monster”: Due to the Scrubs clips and the Hipster, please! namedrop, this is the greatest song in the history of the world. Though I may be biased.

11. “The Legend of Jones McFly”: The groove of this track is a thing of beauty, as is hearing Beefy wax poetic about his best bud Jonesy. The Amy-aided chorus gives this song a rare indie feel. As silly as this track is, the flow is fierce. It is truly a labor of love.

12. “The Sound”: Once again Doc Popular (AKA Drown Radio) brings the funk. The lyrical interplay between Beefy and Doc makes this track a textural treasure. Jaw harp FTW!

13. “Write a Song About…”: I am ethically opposed to songs with ellipses in their titles, but I will make an exception for this one. This is Beefy’s experiment in speed (not to be confused with his experiment in sound), and it works well despite its brevity.

14. “Buy This CD”: Comparisons between this song and MC Frontalot’s “Charity Case” will no doubt abound, but, with its acoustic-based hook and sing-along chorus, the two are only related on the most conceptual level. This total reinterpretation of the old Whitesican track further reminds me of just how far Beefy has come.

15. “Wonderfulamazing”: I’ve rattled off several examples of how Beefy has changed – how he has developed and grown – as an artist in this post already, and apparently the big guy understands this too. Album closer “Wonderfulamazing” is a song that simply could not have existed on previous Beefy releases. It’s one of those complicated love songs of which I’m so fond, to say the least. It dwells more on direct experience than any previous track, and it does so genuinely and without the comical pretense I’ve come to expect from the artist. It lingers over moments of missed opportunity in a way that makes the track absolutely relatable to anyone who’s ever felt lovelorn. And truthfully, if Beefy were to stop making music today, I believe this would stand out as his most powerful song ever. That, my friends, is how you close an album.

In closing, I can genuinely say is that I find Tube Technology to be Beefy’s personal high-water mark, both in regards to content and structure. While it adheres firmly to the precepts of Beefy’s own brand of nerdcore hip hop, it somehow manages to simultaneously take everything that you think you know about the artist and turns it on its ear. It is far more literate, far more polished, and far more personal than anything you’ve heard from Beefy up to this point, and the progression of the album itself acts as if to accentuate this growth.

You can download Tube Technology for free via Beefy’s site beginning December 9^th. Consequently, you can pick up the album early if you attend his December 2^nd show with The Goondocks and Optimus Rhyme. And, while I can’t promise you’ll enjoy it as much as I do, I would like to humbly suggest that you give it a listen. I believe you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

“And if you compare this song to the one I made before you’d say I have a type, but there’s just so much more.”

Your Miles May Vary: Nerd Girls

The word of the day is Anekantavada.

Anekantavada, a prime tenant of the followers of Jainism, states simply that no single point of perception is entirely true, and yet each contains an undeniable element of personal significance, of personal truth. It is, to put it plainly, the doctrine of non-absolutism.

The concept is most easily explained to westerners via American poet John Godfrey Saxe’s retelling of the classic Indian tale of The Blind Men and the Elephant. Each of the blind scholars understands the reality of the elephant only by the small piece of the beast that he personally experiences. Ere go, each understands the partial truth that is the elephant’s side, tusk, trunk, knee, ear, or tail without ever comprehending that the animal in question is all of these things and more.

Such is the concept that powers the new blog feature that I have elected to call “Your Miles May Vary,” the southern colloquial equivalent of the modern web-speak shorthand YMMV, You Mileage May Vary.

Essentially, I gather a group of different (but intrinsically linked) individuals and ask them all the same question. Then I compile their answers and present them with a little intro and wrap-up commentary of my own. I like the idea because it makes it easier to focus on people in the nerd community that aren’t necessarily involved in the music scene, and it presents a place for differing viewpoints that is neither judgmental nor confrontational.

If we can’t see the whole elephant, at least we can get as many varying views of his unwieldy components as possible.

I elected to focus this initial edition’s question on a matter that has become impossible to ignore: the recent nerd girl explosion that has occurred within popular culture. Everything from the alt-porn industry to the advent of plastic horned-rim glasses as modern chic leads me to believe that the rest of the world has finally realized what we have known for years; geek girls are sexy.

The question that I posed to a distinguished panel of self-professed geeky gals is as follows:

What is the allure of the nerd girl?

The following is their individual responses. Read on as they reconstruct the proverbial pachyderm… piecemeal.

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Amy; nerd girl extraordinaire

Well, here is the long and the short of it. The allure of the nerd girl stems from convenience and sexual preference. We are generally smart, shy, and possibly awkward thus making us available and not complete whores. We share common interests with our male nerd counterparts and we conveniently happen to have all the right adapter cables for recreation/procreation. If it were only about common interest and compatibility everyone would just do it up brokeback style and call it good however, as I have noticed from my time on WoW and certain gaming forums there is a great pressure in the nerd community not to be "gay" or a "douche" or being "...a gay douche who probably has sex with his X-box."

Nikki Nefarious; geek girl photographer

What is the allure of the nerd girl?

I think her “faults” as a nerd girl are the most appealing. Let’s dissect this shall we:

Social-awkwardness – She knows what it’s like to be judged, she won’t do the same to you. Though chiefly shy, she’s easily excited about a subject she is interested in. Blame part of it on her underlying awkwardness and decided lack of a “normal” social filter, the point is she’s won’t let a petty issue, such as worrying over what people will think of her, get in the way of her expressing her natural nerditude. In other words she won’t just sit and look pretty; she will engage you and allow you to be yourself as well.

Braininess – Not all nerd girls have the same nerd. But they pretty much have the same seemingly over-abundant wealth of knowledge about their own particular brand of nerd. This always makes for fun conversation. She’s interesting, she’s insightful, and when you must know when the new Guitar Hero comes out or the name of that guy in that spaceship show, she’s your girl. She offers not just a smiling face, but the cranial fortitude to keep things interesting.

Confidence? – Though typically not a trait associated with those of the “nerd” persuasion, there is a level of “yup, I’m a nerd and damned proud” going on with your modern nerd girl. She may have just come to acceptance of her nerd, or she may have lived through the trials of youth as a nerd. The bottom line is she’s walked the path of the few worthy and gotten to the other side, well equipped with her knowledge of things others may spurn. She knows this, she accepts this, and her horn rimmed glasses displays this with pride. However her confidence isn’t built from the same all-too-intimidating stuff that is evident with your American-beauty, the nerd girl confidence is a deep silent confidence that helps her accept herself and others. What person of intelligence isn’t attracted to confidence?

Fashion – Let’s not forget this part. Gone are the days of the pocket protectors and Band-Aid-repaired gogs. Modern culture, it seems, has fallen in love with the nerd girl. The nerd girl of today fashions herself with her nerd as the centerpiece and inspiration. From an “I blogged your mom” t-shirt to a “Sweet as Pi” hoodie, the nerd girl expresses who she is for all to see. Though the usual garb of the nerd girl is not made to inspire passion or heat the blood of an admirer, it is instead made to attract like-minded others. The, um, l337 few will “get it” and appreciate it while the rest of the world looks on in confusion…which is precisely the point. It’s like a secret club, where you don’t get in based on looks, you get in based on your knowledge and appreciation of the issue. Manolos need not apply.

Nope, the nerd girl of today realizes that though others may spurn them, without nerd efforts those same people would be hard pressed to create the new World of Warcraft patch, or code the new IT system, or even create the fun-filled blog they read to pass their time. Life certainly wouldn’t be as interesting. I think as the world has learned to embrace the nerd it is no longer considered social suicide for an individual to embrace their own nerd as well. This is very important as in years past a beautiful girl might have rejected her nerd out of fear, today girls of all kinds are free to be just as nerdy as they please! Nerd girls, thus, have come into the spotlight with their intelligence, sense of self and their own brand of both inner and outer beauty.

Paige McPaigeface; co-hostess of Just Another Lazy Podcast

A few days ago our good friend Z left a note on the JALP comment board asking me to help pinpoint exactly what makes a nerdy girl teh sex. After accepting the challenge and finding this cool picture, it dawned on me that I have no clue. So instead of leaving the dear readers of Hipster, Please! high and dry, I intend to give a little rundown on what makes ME so damn sexy, as I am a proud femgeek myself. Enjoy!

1. Low maintenance. I do not require oil changes, fancy schmancy dinners, or expensive presents. Nothing makes me happier than spending a day ridiculing others with my sweety before a night of fast food tacos and whooping his ass at Street Fighter 3.

2. Quirky. I have a bunch of little habits and isms that for some unknown reason people find endearing. Case in point: The laugh. My laugh sounds like a high-speed asthma attack when I find something particularly hilarious, and every time it happens around someone new, they go on about it like it was a divine gift. Weird, huh?

3. Interested in boyfriend's hobbies. Unlike many other women who turn up their noses at computers, comic books and Magic: The Gathering cards, I make a real effort to see exactly what it is that makes them so damn appealing to men. Some things I find I like too (video games, Fables, etc.), and it adds to the stuff we have in common. Even if I can't stand a certain hobby (*cough*Warhammer*cough*), I don't discourage it. Part of the appeal of nerdy boys is that they're nerds - why change that?

4. Caring. Having been lonely and boyfriendless for most of my post-pubescent life, I make damn sure to be the best girlfriend EVER when a potential mate comes my way. I mean, I baked my boyfriend a birthday cake with Ken Masters on it. And frosting is not an easy fucking artist medium. Finding the boundary between awesome and irritating is difficult at times, but I'm pretty good at staying on the right side. Part of the fun of being an awesome girlfriend is that he always wants you around to begin with.

5. Passionate. "Horny" seemed a bit forward. I was in marching band all four years of high school. You learn a few tricks. ;)

There you have it - the basic reasons why McPaigeface is a lady nerd to be worshipped.

Regann; geeky girl writer

The allure of the nerd girl is simple: it's the fact that she's so much more. She's smart, she's usually tech savvy, she has a very definitive, very individual presence. Even with "nerd girl" being an umbrella term, no two nerd girls are alike. What they do have in common is their individualism, which guys are learning -- perhaps, slowly! -- is much more attractive than the typical carbon-copy "popular" girl.

Plus, many of the nerd girls' various interests have a tendency to intersect with guys' -- be it music, tech, games or Trek. And what does a boy want or need more than a girl who can understand and appreciate his toys? If you want to see a girl who's not lacking in dates, look for your gamer girl working at the electronics store who can rattle off Wii specs as well as she can her own phone number.

So, the question isn't so much why nerd girls are attractive; it's really the question of why the guys around them are just realizing it. Luck? Great leaps in evolution? Who knows? It's their good fortune, though, because nerd girls are the It of the new millennium. Deservingly so -- they're smart, funny, savvy. Of course, they were the funny, smart and perceptive girls of the last millennium, too, but not everyone has been as perceptive in times past. But it's those characteristics, plus their strong tendency toward independence and individualism that make them so interesting and interested, and finally shows the boys what the real sexy is.

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And there you have it: the truth(s) as they see it. There appear to be numerous similarities between the outlooks of our esteemed panel, and even a couple of disparities. This is to be expected, and, on a certain level, encouraged.

I don’t see YMMV being used as a tool to arrive at any manner of consensus. That is not its purpose. It exists purely to allow folks to share their two cents, to let us know what part of the elephant they feel to be the most relevant. (It rhymes because it's fun.)

I would like to take a moment to thank the ladies of the panel for their time, their insight, and their words. Though I’m generally my own worst critic, I feel this edition of YMMV to be a rousing success, and I hope to do more in the future. As always, your questions, comments, and suggestions are greatly appreciated.

I hope you were enlightened and/or entertained by this feature, but I would much rather prefer you walk away with your personal outlook shaken, or, at the very least, challenged. There are, after all, a lot of elephants out there to be groped many more truths to be explored.

Pictures and words

Here are two little tidbits – two tiny bits of tid, as it were – that I neglected to mention previously:

Beefy has recently posted a preview of the cover art for his new album Tube Technology (dropping next week). It is a whimsical work by talented webcomic artist Joe Dunn.

The Joe Dunn that loves crappy movies?

Yep. That one.

Also, Seattle’s own Gabriel (and his lovely assistant Syn) have a fresh edition of Nerdcore News available for your viewing pleasure. In this edition, they interview nerdcore/electronica (nerd-tronica?) artist and all around nice guy Oddioblender. The incredibly lazy can view it below.

Nerd News in Brief

Now that I have shaken off my Thanksgiving stupor, I’ve elected to drop a little Nerd News in Brief on your collective ass. I’ve got a couple of other projects percolating (namely this month’s blog feature and the penultimate RFH podcast of 2006), so hopefully this’ll keep you entertained until such a time as those are hatched. Hey, I do what I can.

• In addition to the forthcoming projects from Beefy and Ultraklystron, YTCracker also has a new album dropping in the near future. Nerd Life should be available from the fine folks at Nerdy South Records soon, or, as we say in the actual nerdy south, d’reckly.

• There’s been a lot of love directed squarely at old Z. of late. In an odd piece of post-modern serendipity, the latest edition of JALP featured an extended segment during which my bro Jones McFly discussed a Hipster, please! blog post about… well… Jones McFly and JALP. It was like the audio equivalent of a form constant. Only warm and fuzzy. By the same token, my Florida home-skillet funky49 recently requested the cacophonous tones of my jarring drawl in a song he was working on. The track (called “Hurricane Love”) could be aptly described as a nerdcore hillbilly sex romp with strong meteorological undertones. I provide the voice of Carl Ray, the congested, disinterested, and totally fictitious weatherman of Virginia’s WHSP.

• mc chris is currently conducting a remix contest, with the focus on works from his new joint Dungeon Master of Ceremonies. All Snyders, 49s, Ultraklystrons, and other such production-centered cats should take note.

• While waiting in line at her local Best Buy to purchase the Nintendo Wii, MC Router decided to amuse herself (and her fellow fanboys/girls) with a little impromptu DDR, some friendly interviews, and even a bit of Emulation Station. The footage itself is a little dark, but it is fun none-the-less.

• If you (like Router and myself) are one of the lucky ones who currently have a Nintendo Wii in your possession and you’d like to take a picture of said system and its peripherals shoved down your pants, have I got news for you! CAG redgopher is currently soliciting for (non-pornographic) images for a site tentatively called “Wii In My Pants.” You know you want to.

• In other trouser-related gaming news, Germany has recently launched its first magazine directed specifically at female gamers. The weirdest part is that Play Vanilla is directed at casual female gamers… whom, I can’t imagine, actually need or want a magazine of their own. Step in the right direction or shameless cash-in? You be the judge.

Is that enough nerd news for you? I sure hope so, ‘cause daddy’s tired and needs a nap. I reckon that means said stupor is back on. Such is my cross to bear.

Shock and Awe

My wife decided that we should do some shopping on Black Friday. Since I love buying shit slightly more than I hate crowds, I caved without much hesitation. I picked up a nice 1 GB SD card (for my Wii) dirt cheap and a pair of Steve Maddens for a song, so I was pretty pleased with the days haul. And then I saw something that made the day even better that changed my world forever:

Yes, ladies and gentleman, this delightful Asian fellow is wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with The Shocker and captioned “Luv & Piss.” It is the bestest t-shirt ever, and I just wanted to share. You're welcome.

New hotness from old friends

Okay, so with Turkey Day looming directly ahead of us, there seems to be a palpable dearth of things to talk about. Still, a few guys are going out of their way to make sure the chatter never completely dies down.

Doctor Popular, for example, has chosen today to launch DrownRadio.com in earnest. You should check it out, and not just because he’s dropping a new nerdcore track called “Sicko” (featuring MC Inadequate). There’s also a ton of the good Doctor’s previous work available for download and (as he makes explicit mention of being in-studio at present) we can look forward to much more crunchy musical goodness in the future. Doc’s good people. I demand that you love him!

MC Lars (who will, incidentally, be splitting a bill with a certain MC Frontalot on the 18^th in NY) has recently launched a podcast in both audio and video form. He also promises to release a new single every month henceforth. Are you excited? I’m excited.

Your favorite bespectacled otaku Karl “Ultraklystron” Olson has recently been featured on the Anime Pulse podcast. His track “So Long Kids” intros the show for two simple reasons:

1. the subject of said tirade, 4Kids, has recently lost more money than me at the dog track
2. Karl is the shit
1. the above point is further evidenced via his own guerilla gig outside of the Bellevue Best Buy

Lastly, Beefy leaked yet another new track on this week’s JALP. This one is all about Jones. For those who may be unacquainted with the Beefy/Jonesey dynamic: think Sir Simon Milligan and his manservant Hecubus. It’s like that, only with more ultimate darkness, and maybe a tad more homoeroticism. Still, I got nothing but love for Beef and Jones, so (on the off chance you don’t’ already listen to their podcast) check it out.

And those are just some of the hardworking nerd-type people that are charging forward while I, personally, rest on my laurels awaiting a holiday feast.

And by laurels I mean ass.

And by holiday feast I mean beer and Stove Top Stuffing.