Friday, February 15, 2008

Childe Roland to the Dork Shower Came

I am involved in what you might term a mixed marriage. I am a huge dork. My wife? Not so much.

Because of this we don’t see eye-to-eye on some things. I, for example, like to watch Doctor Who. She, on the other hand, prefers The Girls Next Door. (How that show can make naked women so interminably boring is both a mystery and an affront to God!) I listen to NESkimos while she prefers Nelly Furtado. I say tomato and she… well, she also says tomato, but I reckon you get the idea.

When she told me last week that the girls from work were throwing her a baby shower in anticipation of our new arrival, I was ecstatic; my love for free shit knows no bounds. But when we began adding items to our baby registry/wish list, our differences again became apparent.

What follows is my own personal list of nerdy baby shower presents. Each was summarily vetoed by my old lady, but maybe yours will be a bit more reasonable.

Here’s hoping you have better luck geeking your children up than I did!

The D&D character sheet onesie:

Sometimes you just need to know your kid’s stats. Like, maybe your baby wants to make an untrained skill check; how the hell else are you gonna know her ability modifier? I think I’ve proven my point.

Available at Jinx.

Baby’s First Mythos:

Reading to your children is fun and rewarding, so why not start them early on the road to an appreciation of classic geek lit? It's been proven to supplement cognitive development, and you’re never too young to be warned about the power of the Elder Sign.

Available at Amazon

Giant Microbes:

There’s been a big push of late to get girls interested in science, and there’s no better way to get your daughter hipped to the wonders of the natural world than by giving her a white blood cell plushie. Will it protect her from super-sized pathogens? It certainly couldn’t hurt!

Available at Giant Microbes

Rockabye Baby! lullaby albums:

Child-friendly covers of U2, Bob Marley, and The Ramones may not be nerdy, but they certainly are fun for the whole family. Lullaby renditions of Björk, though, are probably still pitchy and annoying.

Available at Rockabye Baby Music

Diaper bag alternative:

Those goddamn Juicy Couture diaper bags are horrible and unflattering, and I don’t just mean on the shoulders of unwitting fathers. They’re garish and quasi-functional at best. I much prefer the utilitarian messenger bag, of which this Bag of Holding is a perfect example. You won’t believe how much stuff you can get in there!

Available at ThinkGeek

NErDy bib:

Nothing says “this is my kid and I’ll dress her how I damn well please” quite like this bib. It’s especially relevant if one or more parents is a chemist. As well as those of us who aren’t above a little intellectual intimidation among the play group.

Available at Career Giggles

Baby Bot mobile:

Are you as sick or butterflies and jungle animals as I am? Then why not shake things up with a robot themed nursery! This robot-themed mobile is an excellent jumping-off point.

Available at Baby-Wise


Church said...

Rockabye NIN?


Z. said...

Yep. I reckon they couldn't get the license for "Rockabye GiGi Allen and the Murder Junkies." ;)

Matt said...

So I guess we now know who wears the pants in the family. :) Sorry, the joke just needed to be made.

So was she this way with X? Or is it a matter of you get the boy, she gets the girl?

Z. said...

I didn’t start working the geeky hoodoo on X. until he was already toddlin’, and even then I did it sort of surreptitiously:

“Look what daddy got you; a Soundwave t-shirt!”

This time I was as least trying to be more upfront about it, but did I get credit for that? Nope.

Anonymous said...

far be it for me to tell someone how to parent, but I think ur taking nerdcore a little too far. I mean, he's just a little kid, he doesn't even know what any of those things mean and do u really want to encourage ur kid to grow up to being a nerd so he can get beat up by all the other kids? I wouldn't want my kids to follow in my nerdy footsteps at all, because I know that would be a death sentence. But, just my 0.02

Anthony said...

So when are you going to start working on a nerdcore lullabies compilation?

Church said...

Anon. nerdiness!=dorkiness. Some nerds are very adept at navigating social networks (in no small part because they understand concepts like 'social networks')

That said, it's always fun to be inscrutable.

Z. said...

I understand what you're saying, Anonymous, but I honestly don't see a discernible difference between me dressing my child in geek gear and a Cheesehead putting a Packers jersey on his kid. We parents like to pretend our children share the same interests as us when they're small; the trick is letting them be their own person when they're old enough to have their own thoughts on such topics.

I dunno, Ant, that might be the third comp. ;)

Well said with regards to both points, Soc.

Anthony said...

well Z if you ever want to hook up and try out this nerd lullaby thing. i'm certainly down to help out how i can, (be a really fun gift for my goddaughter!) and i'm sure there are plenty of artists with a little one in their life that are down. maybe once we both get our respective upcoming comps out we can brainstorm the idea =D

Z. said...

Oddly enough, Anthony, I have been thinking about making a more kid-friendly comp. We'll definitely have to brainstorm!

J-chot said...

I'm having a kid in may, and the baby's room is robot and doughnut themed. (robot crib bedding) -robot decals -more decals

Denika said...

I have the perfect plan. Dennis and I give nerdy child gifts and your wife feels so overwhelmed by our kindness that she has to relent ;)

Matt said...

Leave it to the woman to come up with the solution. Perfect!

Z. said...

Congrats, J-Chot! Welcome to the delightful though generally thankless ranks of fatherhood.

And, Denika, you and Dennis are, as always, my angels. :)

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