Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Y’all ass is crazy: Your entire ass is crazy.

"Oh my God a rubber!"

Robert Kelly is many things to many people. Actually, to most people he’s just a perv who makes music in his spare time, but that is neither here nor there. The interesting thing is that somehow, between all the pee play, fights with Jay Z and company, and other bad press, Kelly has found time to make, perhaps, the world’s most convoluted, self-indulgent concept album. His Trapped in the Closet, a twelve part “urban musical” follows the lives of a literal shit-ton of characters as they proceed to screw around with each other and get caught. As if the plot wasn’t bad enough, each of the “songs” sacrifice traditional structure in favor of narration and dialogue… all performed by Kelly.

I had pretty much ignored this mess until I unwittingly turned to one of the videos last week, only to hear Kelly singing in a high-pitched southern drawl as an overweight white woman tried to convince her husband that nothing was, in fact, wrong. Simultaneously confused and disgusted, I sought a way to gather information on this sad, sad project without actually having to devote time to watching/listening to the individual chapters. Thankfully, our friends at SomethingAwful.com have prepared Cliff Notes for chapters 1 through 5, and the rest of the story so far can be hashed out thanks to good ol’ Wikipedia.

Enjoy, and may God have mercy on you if you can actually follow this shit.

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