my inner child is a creepy li’l bastard

Halloween, for me, is less a one-night event and more of a holiday season unto itself. It starts around the last day of September and continues until November 2nd, the day when most (if not all) remaining Halloween merchandise has made its way down the retail discount ladder and into the trunk of my car. Each year my quest for the creepiest movie, the cheapest and most delectable candies, and the oddest, most positively garish decorations and party favors is aided by a score of unwitting allies, and this year the fine folks at the Jones Soda company have been the earliest contributors.

Renowned for their non-traditional soft drink flavors, Jones has just released two new limited edition beverages for the season: Caramel Apple and Candy Corn. While Caramel Apple is a tart and sweet delight, it is the Candy Corn flavor that really got me. This viscous, piss-yellow liquid is so loaded with high fructose corn syrup that it positively sings diabetes. You just can’t mess with that! Plus, both flavors (as well as several of Jones’ other non-limited edition, Halloween-y type sodas) come in decorative holiday-themed cans.

Cross your gnarled and hoary fingers and rush to your local Target to score some.