Gimme an "I"

I don’t give an unholy fuck about the iPhone. I can’ afford one, I couldn’t find one if I had the scratch, and I no doubt lack the adequate amount of Mac-fanboy swagger to properly operate the infernal device even if the previous criteria were met. Plus it’s tethered to the iTunes service, which is, I truly believe, the devil.

But I am not your average joe.

You all probably want an iPhone. You, no doubt, lust for it’s oddly ceramic aesthetic and its uber-funky functionality. And so, I present to you the following links.

Don’t thank me; Church did all the legwork.

• Does your local Apple store have any iPhones in stock? See for yourself. Just don’t end up like poor Brent.
• Meet the guy that was almost the fifth cat in line… yeah… um… Wired? You… you’re not even trying anymore are you? Tough shit, ‘cause Gizmodo stole all the thunder; you can totally watch the line live! Wait… that sucks too.
• Um…Why not watch Stephen Colbert review an iPhone he didn’t get. That’s entertaining. (Note: Steve’s from South Carolina, a state with no Apple stores. I’m just sayin’.)
• For those of you who’ve already given up hope of finagling such a device, why not read the most recent Democratic Debate Report Card. Politics is still a relevant subject, right? Even in our post-iPhone world?